Sneeze
by Wai - Aki
Summary: What happens to Ken when everyone he knows seems to be saying his name aloud whenever he's not around? (Shounen-ai abounds. EveryonexKen. Final pairing is a surprise!)
1. Sneezing is evil

Teaser: What happens to Ken when everyone he knows seems to be saying his name aloud whenever he's not around? (Shounen-ai abounds. EveryonexKen. Final pairing is a surprise!)

What brought this on? A cute little scene in the manga Love Mode and excessive amount of manga and anime taken daily. Think of this as a parody of different types of anime all mixed together in a Weiss blender. Inspired by schu-chan's "Fighting for Ken" a fic so much better than this one.

Wai's Disclaimer: You honestly think a couple of college students can own any of these wonderful characters? I think not! 

Sneeze

Ken scrunched up his face adorably, eyes squeezing shut, before he sneezed rather loudly. The loud sneeze stopped all chatters as all at once all of the fangirls attention focused on him.

"Are you alright Ken-kun?"

"You're not catching a cold are you, Ken-san?"

"Some orange juice might help you, Ken-sama!" [1]

He sneezed five more times. Of course, that didn't help his situation at all, turning rather pale at the sheer number of concerned fangirls, he muttered something about allergies and fled the shop.

Omi was the first to blink. For once he wasn't the one manhandled—fangirl handled? —and it was a rather nice feeling. But as soon as the backdoor closed and the girls sighed, they suddenly realized there were other guys in the room who required their undying attention.

"Do you think Ken-kun will be alright, Youji-kun?" One of the girls who were hanging on Youji's arm asked. The playboy raised his eyebrow. He was about to say that Ken should be fine, but an idea formed in his head and before you know it, the resident playboy flashed his most charming smile.

"I'm not sure. He does seem a little sick, doesn't he? I'll go check!" He exclaimed gallantly, striding towards the door. Only to find one Fujimiya Aya attached to it. Well, maybe not attached to it per se, but he sure didn't look like he was about to let go of the door handle or move away from the door any time soon.

"Aya? Are YOU concerned about our Kenken too?" Youji asked, feigning shock. In fact, all the girls looked frozen between shock and some sort of morbid fascination. The seemingly dazed looks were starting to unnerve the normally undeterred leader of Weiss. But hell, everyone has their fears, right?

Aya's just happen to involve two and a half dozen fan girls who looked like they were about to jump him, tie him up and sacrifice him to whatever bishounen Gods they had. That or his imagination's run off on him...again.

While Aya was contemplating, however, his grip on the door went slack and he realized it—too late—when Youji pushed past him to go get their missing comrade. He gritted his teeth, but didn't say anything. He had an image to maintain, you know!

Meanwhile, in another part of Tokyo, another group of assassin was having a slight dilemma. 

There was a low and distinctive growl that was emitting from—not their resident psychopath—Schuldich. The German was currently in the midst of a staring match with Crawford, either of them refusing to back down. Defeat. was not. an option.

One Naoe Nagi stood in the sideline, torn between the urge to roll his eyes or have himself locked up in the nearest mental institute. Better yet, have both his teammates locked up. Farfarello looked all the more sane next to these two idiots.

"You dare call him yours?" Schuldich gritted out.

"I don't see why you think Ken is **yours**, Schuldich." Crawford bit back, ever the professional. Cue sneeze number one from an unsuspecting assassin, on the other side of Tokyo.

"You dare question me about my Ken?" He took a step towards Crawford. "**My** Ken?" And then another. "**MY KEN**???" [2] He shouted shrilly. Nagi winced. Farfarello was momentarily distracted from counting his knife collection while Crawford...

"You shouldn't claim ownership to something you don't own." Crawford's eyes were practically flashing with anger. And before they could kill each other, Nagi shouted.

"Would you please end this madness?" Two annoyed glares were directed at him. Annoyed due to the fact that they were being distracted from their current preoccupation, trying to murder the other. 

"As much as I like Ken myself, I don't understand why you have to fight over him!" Exclaimed Nagi. "Can't you just wait and let Ken decide for himself?"

There was an exchange of looks, before the two older members of Schwarz shouted in unison, "NO!" Far away, on the other side of town, one florist sneezed five more times.

"My, someone sure is catching a cold." Drawled Youji as he plopped down next to Ken. The brunet scowled, but then sighed.

"I don't know what's wrong. I mean that sneeze came out of nowhere!" He paused, leaning his head back to rest on the couch. "Someone must have said my name, somewhere." He murmured.

"Six consecutive times?" Youji asked, raising an eyebrow. "They must really love you, Kenken." Ken sat up, glaring at his companion.

"Is it so unbelievable to you that someone might actually like me?" He demanded, but the defiant look quickly deflated as he realized that the blond had him conveniently pinned against the couch.

"Of course not!" Was the cheerful reply he received. "You know you're irresistible, bishounen!" Ken made a funny sound that seemed to be a cross between a croak and an eek, as Youji leaned over to give him a kiss.

Unfortunately for Youji—and fortunately (?) for Ken—Murphy's Law seemed to apply everywhere in Tokyo that day, particularly for one assassin. Before Youji's lips could even touch the frozen florist's, Ken promptly sneezed.

Twice.

And then clawed his way out of the trapped position Youji had him in. He leapt to his feet, clutching his chest, staring as Youji wiped his face and cleaned his sunglasses and then turned tail and ran for his life back to his room. 

At the same time, in the flower shop, Omi was watching Aya with concern. The normally cold and unfeeling assassin was manhandling the flowers for the ikebana with such ferocity that the fangirls were starting to inch away from him. Seeing the fear in the fangirls' eyes, Omi sighed, before daring himself to go over to where the bloodthirsty assassin was working.

"Aya-kun?"

"Hn."

"Are you alright?" Apparently he had asked the wrong question, as he was rewarded with a death glare that seemed to have been stolen from one Heero Yuy.

"Fine." He managed with a monotone, obviously stolen from said Gundam pilot. The florist/assassin chose to ignore this fact, however and maintained his cheery nature.

"Are you sure? You seemed rather angry after Youji-kun went to get-"

"That no-good Kudo." Growled Aya. "Just wait, I'll make him pay." There was a vengeful glint in Aya's eyes when this was said. Omi laughed nervously, it was his turn to inch away from Aya, apparently.

"Maybe you should check what's happening back there?" Omi suggested. "I'll take care of things here." Aya paused, staring at Omi for a while. When it was starting to unnerve the youngest Weiss member, however, Aya finally nodded.

"I'll go check what that Kudo's doing." His voice suddenly dropped as he headed to the back. "If he so much as touches Ken...Ken's mine dammit!" Luckily no one heard him mutter and to the fangirls' excitement and to Omi's dismay, all attention was now focused on the young florist.

Ken was staring at the ceiling, trying to think of what brought on this sudden bout of sneezing. His face blushed slightly, remembering Youji.

Sorry Yotan, he thought with a cringe.

The playboy had left him alone after the brunet had sneezed on him. What a well timed sneeze too. Both of them. Ken brought a hand to scrub his face, then to slap his cheek.

"Am I going crazy?" He asked to no one in particular. But that question seemed to have been perfectly timed with a knock on his door. Could it have been fate, kismet? Destiny? Or none of them altogether, since all he did was repeat the same ideology using different terms anyway?

Or maybe it's due to the sheer amount of clichés floating around? Who knows?

NOTES:

[1] – Parody of "Ryoma-sama" which is what Tomo-chan calls Ryoma-kun; Prince of Tennis

[2] – Parody of Gravitation anime Eps. 8 when Shuichi confronted Aizawa Taki shouting, "Ore no Yuki? Ore no Yuki?! Ore no~~!" Wai's favorite episode.

We decided to end it here and see how it goes. Who knows, if enough people like it, we'll post the second part up. :D


	2. Tennis and Mobs

Note: Thanks very much for the wonderful, wonderful reviews. Yes, we're both quite aware that the sneezing thing only works when someone's talking bad about you. But the particular scene we're basing this on doesn't have anyone saying anything bad about the other person. In fact, he's just saying his name.

Apologies for the lateness, but we were distracted by other projects.

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Sneeze – Part 2

by Wai and Aki

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It was **not** Ken's lucky day.

And if that wasn't the mother of all understatement, then maybe it's a brother...or a distant cousin. Well, Ken's humor has shifted from a puzzled, chipper one to strangely sarcastic and slightly deranged it seems.

Hey, no one stated that he had to be **sane** in order to stay in Weiss, right? And it was bound to happen one of these days, anyway. With all those fangirls hanging around the shop all the time, it was inevitable. Not that he could particularly picture Omi chasing down the fangirls with an axe, laughing maniacally.

Oh. Wait...

He just did. Didn't he?

Ken groaned loudly, covering his eyes. Reality was becoming too hot to handle and now it seemed as if his sanity had ran away on him. What else could be worse?

*sneeze*

Ah. He had to ask.

~~+~~

"Where's Ken-kun?" Omi asked, when Youji sauntered back into the shop.

"He took off a while ago." Youji replied, taking a seat next to Omi.

"Eh? But the shop isn't even closed yet! And he's got all these orders to deliver!"

"I guess that means you have to do all the hard work, chibi." Youji said with a lazy smile, reaching over to ruffle Omi's hair affectionately. Unfortunately, Omi moved away at the last moment, causing Youji to lose his balance.

It was most fortunate that he did not fall, however, else he breaks that pretty face of his. Upon that thought, Youji pulled out a mirror out of nowhere, admiring his own reflection, leaving Omi to sweatdrop at his actions.

"Yotan..." Groaned Omi, shaking his head, but any complaints he wanted to make was cut short by the sound of the door. Instantly, the mirror disappeared and Youji smiled again, ready to greet whatever fine specimen that sauntered into the shop.

And he found himself staring at a smirking German. Youji closed his eyes, sighing dramatically.

"Such ugliness! And at this hour of the day too!" Omi resisted the urge to roll his eyes, even though his assassin instincts were on full alert.

"May I help you?" He asked politely.

"Well, one of you can help me." Schuldich said, looking around for signs of a soccer-loving athlete. "But if you can bring your delectable teammate out of wherever it is that you're hiding him, I'm sure we can arrange something."

Omi blinked. "Aya-kun's in the backroom, arranging our supplies. I can call him if you'd like." Schuldich visibly blanched, tossing his hair aside in indignation.

"No! Not that one! I wouldn't touch that hair-dyed icicle with a ten foot pole!" He exclaimed, though he paused for a moment. "Hmm...No! Definitely not!"

"You want to see Ken-kun?" Omi asked in confusion. And that confusion escalated when Schuldich purred his reply.

"Yes. I want to see that juicy piece of male body that is your teammate." He paused, grinning lecherously. "Preferably all of him. On my bed. Sweating and panting and screaming my name in ecstasy." He sighed, not noting Omi's pale face, or the wide-eyed looks of the fangirls. And one seething Kudo Youji who looked ready to pound his face in. "Oh I'm sorry, I seem to have forgotten you all while I was fantasizing."

"Um, Schuldich-san, is there anything in particular we can help you with? Anything that doesn't involve Ken-kun?"

"No, not particularly." Schuldich replied, eyeing the young male with a smirk. "Now please call Ken will you? Tell him that Schuschu wants him to come out and," He paused, his smirk turning into a lecherous look. "_Play_."

Omi shuddered at the purred word and edged away from the counter, throwing Youji an apprehensive look. He stole on look at the rabid fangirls—not so rabid anymore—and visibly winced. If anything, they looked like they were above to get down on their hands and knees and worship Schuldich more than anything else.

Inwardly, he cursed whatever gods who dare create the concept of yaoi in these fangirls' heads.

~~+~~

Ken collapsed on the park bench, smiling, despite his exhaustion. There was nothing he loved more than a good run on a sunny day. Of course, it was great to let out some of that frustration and confusion. Why did it have to happen to him, of all people? And what was up with-

*smack*

"Ow!" He cried out, as something came in contact with his forehead. Hard. Rubbing his forehead, he looked around for the object, eyes widening as he realized that it was a tennis ball. He picked it up, looking at it with amazement for a moment or two.

"_Saa_, I'm very sorry about that." He looked up to see a boy of about fourteen or fifteen smiling at him. He wasn't that tall, which was pretty normal for a boy his age. But what wasn't exactly normal, was the smile that he had on. While at first glance it might look pleasant, but Ken's assassin instincts kicked in.

Something told him not to piss the boy off. And trusting his gut instincts, Ken merely smiled back. "That's all right. Your ball, I take it?" He asked, handing the tennis ball to the boy. Ken noted that the boy's eyes remained closed and the disarming smile remain irritatingly there. 

"Actually, it isn't mine." He said, stepping aside to reveal another boy, who looked no older than...12? Maybe even 11? He had a white cap on, hiding his eyes, but it was evident that he was scowling.

"Fuji-_senpai_ can we go already?" He muttered.

"Echizen, don't you know it's impolite? Apologize to this man." The elder of the two said sweetly. There was only silence and some foot scuffing against the ground, but no apology.

A moment ago, Ken was curious as to what color the older boy's eyes were. But when the boy's eyes finally opened, revealing sharp, dangerous blue eyes, Ken wished he never opened them in the first place.

"Apologize." It was enough to send shivers down the Weiss assassin's spine.

"Che." Apparently the younger boy was used to the other's antics, because he didn't seem afraid at all. "Sorry." He muttered, then finally, he looked up. Glaring indignantly at the blue-eyed boy, who had closed his eyes once more, to Ken's relief. 

"Can we go now? Captain isn't going to be happy that we took this long." He muttered.

"_Aa_." He nodded to Ken, who managed a wry smile back. The two boys turned around, walking over to the tennis courts nearby.

"Why did you have to come along anyway?"

"Tezuka doesn't want his prized pillar to get lost."

"Fuji-_senpai_, are you being sarcastic?"

"Now why would you think that, Ryoma?"

"Che. _Mada mada da ne_." Ken could only stare at the two, a dumbfounded look on his face. He scratched the back of his head, not knowing what to do for a moment or two. Suddenly, he shrugged and began to walk back to the shop.

"Never noticed that tennis court before." He muttered under his breath as he went.

~~+~~

The doorbell jingled as he walked into the shop, sighing and preparing some sort of excuse for taking so long. "Sorry I took off, Aya. I-" He stopped abruptly, eyes widening at the scene before his eyes. Youji had Schuldich's shirt in his fist, ready to yell at the German, who was mere inches away from his face. The German, on the other hand, looked ready to claw the playboy's eyes out.

Omi looked on with a mixture of amusement and horror, currently though, amusement was winning. In one corner of the shop, Nagi was leaning against the wall, watching the scene with disinterest. 

Seeing the brunet, Youji immediately perked up, a sight that startled Ken. "Kenken! Just the man I wanted to see!" He exclaimed, releasing his hold on the German and shoving him away. Schuldich smiled too, although his smile looked distinctively more feral than Youji's. But the smile didn't last long, thankfully to Ken's rapidly beating heart, because he nearly toppled over when the blond shoved him away.

"Ken, liebe! Where have you been?" Schuldich demanded, when he finally regained his balance and shoving Youji in turn. 

"Uh. Out?" Ken squeaked. 

"Would you like to go inside, Ken? Hmm? Maybe upstairs to your room?"

The hidden message that wasn't really hidden made Ken gulp. He began to back away from the two men who seemed intent on having him for dinner. Pun very much intended.

"I, uh-" He quickly turned around.

*thud*

And found himself smack against Brad Crawford's chest. Brown eyes widened and a small, barely audible whimper escaped from Ken's mouth. Before anything could happen, he scurried away from Crawford and from Youji and Schuldich, for that matter.

"You seem to be in trouble." Nagi commented from beside him. Ken let out a yell and jumped away from him, causing Nagi to roll his eyes. "Don't worry, I'm not here to pounce on you. Those two, yes. Brad...well, he won't pounce, but he will drag you off somewhere."

That evidently, did not make Ken feel any better. And before the three males could do anything remotely close to pouncing, the backdoor opened and one Aya Fujimiya stepped into the shop, glaring.

"Schwarz!" He shouted. Schuldich rolled his eyes.

"Weiss!" He mimicked the Weiss leader. "There. Now we're even." He muttered, turning his attention back to Ken with a definite leer. "Now then, Ken-liebe, we were just about to go to your room?" He purred.

"Ken!" Aya exclaimed, striding over gallantly to Ken's side, touching the red circle on Ken's forehead tenderly. "What happened? Did you get hurt?" Ken was about to reply that it was all right, when the other occupants of the room jumped at Aya's words.

"Hurt?" Immediately not only the three males crowded around Ken, but the left over fangirls as well. 

"Where is it? Get the first aid kit!"

"Oh! Will Ken-san be all right?"

"Ken-sama! You're not going to die, are you?"

"I believe it doesn't require an operation."

"Of course it doesn't require an operation, Schwarz!"

"Calm yourself, Fujimiya, it was only an observation."

"Put a lid on it, Crawfy."

"Schuldich!"

Ken looked at the chaos around him and decided that reality was too much to bear. Saving himself the headache and tears—because he was honestly ready to cry in despair at the situation he managed to land himself in—he figured he might as well leave reality to go on vacation.

So what does one Weiss assassin, code name Siberian does? He passed out, of course, to the shouts of "Ken!" around him.

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Disclaimer: Weiss Kreuz (c) Project Weiss, Koyasu Takehito et al. Echizen Ryoma, Fuji Syuusuke, Tezuka Kunimitsu and Prince of Tennis (c) Takeshi Konomi et al.

Oh dear. It appears that things are a little out of hand. Who's going to save Ken? More importantly, who is Ken going to choose? And who is causing Ken to sneeze so much?

Well? How was it? Good? Bad? Ugly?


End file.
